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What’s Wrong With This Email?

Filed under: General, Uncategorized

THIS CONTEST IS NOW CLOSED. WE WILL POST WINNER SHORTLY!

Advantages’ magazine did a great story this month about how to energize your business emails and make them more efficient while pointing out the do’s and don’ts of workplace correspondence. Of course, being someone who has been using email for business for well over 10 years I have seen my share of poorly written and cringeworthy emails (perhaps, even guilty of a few!). In the article was a great example of an email that, though seemingly innocuous and good-intentioned, contained a ton of problems. Below is the example without the corrections …

Think you can point out all the problems with this email? Prove it! Send us an email to feedback@asicentral.com with all the errors and, if you get the most right, we’ll post your name in an upcoming Counselor PromoGram and Advantages Hot Deals newsletter!

Good luck!

– sexybeast@asicentral.com


13 Comments

  1. Peter Doyle Says:

    *Change the senders email address right away…sexybeast!!!!!
    *Don’t email everyone in site
    *Defintely change the subject to less of a panic…who is really in a panic?
    *”Hear” should be spelled here
    *Change “the community” to your…
    *BTW…don’t use jargon…what does this mean anyway?
    *I have been waiting a long time for that prospect to call me up…the message should say I’ll follow-up with a call in a couple of days
    *account executive should have first letter as capitals
    *The tense of the email should either be passive or present tense and not both
    *The goal of the email should be to get a meeting with the propecst and not to annoy him
    *Should have put a full signature of all vital company information with the email including a phone number for prospect to call if he really wanted to entertain the idea of placing that call.

    Tuesday November 10, 2009
  2. Crissy Manwaring Says:

    Well, in addition to everything mentioned by Peter above, what is the point of this email? It is all about the rep. There is no indication that there is any benefit to the customer in contacting this guy. Every sentence begins with “I” with the exception of the “contact me.” If your prospecting emails don’t have a clear benefit to the recipient, a very definite “what’s in it for me” there is no way it will generate a response of any kind other than DELETE.

    Thursday November 12, 2009
  3. Bonnie-Stacy Canelakes Says:

    What isn’t wrong with it??
    Change that email address name, first of all..and pronto!
    Never send an URGENT MESSAGE to everyone on your client list. If it’s so urgent why’d he wait 25 years to contact the prospect?
    HEAR should be corrected to HERE
    What other businesses in our area do you serve and how do they relate to my business and what community is this he speaks of?
    How exactly can you be of service to me? What’s an “ad specialty sales rep” anyway?
    Email abbreviations like BTW (by the way) or LOL (laugh out loud) do not show serious business acumen. Would a bank president use them in an email?
    It’s obviously a template; at least make it look like you didn’t,
    again, send this to your entire prospect list!
    No phone number or other contact info listed
    The whole thing just lacks creativity, passion and confidence.
    FAIL!

    Thursday November 12, 2009
  4. Kent Walton Says:

    The comments above pretty well cover all that I caught, but I believe that using all caps in the subject line( especially with the three explanation marks)is considered to be yelling in the world of emails.

    Tuesday November 17, 2009
  5. Pearl Shofner Says:

    This person must get a new user id and the email should only go to people of interest in the subject line. Start the note with Mr. Carey, the subject line shouldn’t be in all caps with several explantion marks. Hear should be “here”. Ad Specialities should have the A and the S in upper case. Detail should be given about the job description and what you can provide to his company. Never use slang or abbreviations in a business letter. He needed to state that he would follow-up with a phone call after the email to discuss any needs. The closing title’s position should be capitalized with the beginning characters. Always have your title, phone number and your company name along with all information making it easy for the prospect to contact you.

    Thursday November 19, 2009
  6. Joe Carey Says:

    Even if you correct the mistakes, I see no reason to even think about this email.

    Send to Trash.

    Joe Carey

    Thursday November 19, 2009
  7. Jim Southwick Says:

    There is no reason for this email or for the recipient to open it. Aside from being awful, there’s no relationship or purpose.

    Thursday November 19, 2009
  8. Dennis Bagenstos Says:

    These are all good comments! I would add specifically that not only is the user id inappropriate, but so is the domain (gmail). Whenever I get an email from a business that has a freemail domain address, they immediately lose credibility with me before I even start reading. And if it’s an AOL domain, their credibility drops even more ;-) Getting your own email domain costs almost nothing these days and makes you look like you’re serious about your business.

    As an additional comment about the message subject, ALL CAPS and the multiple !!! along with the multiple cc addresses will probably get your email sent to the client’s spam folder. She’ll never even see it! (Which might be a good thing!)

    I think Joe Carey and Jim Southwick are right, though; even with all the mistakes corrected, this email isn’t going to accomplish much!

    Saturday November 21, 2009
  9. R Broom Says:

    PERECT! Leave it as is.

    Just how we wish all of our competition marketed.

    Tuesday November 24, 2009
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    Thursday January 5, 2012
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    Hallo es Kollegen, so teilen Sie Ihre Gef?¼hle zum Thema Homepage Suchmaschinenoptimierung , bin ich auch neue Benutzer von Web, so deshalb bin ich auch immer mehr von ihm. Dank alle .

    Thursday August 22, 2013
  12. CP Says:

    I agree with all the above, and would add I don’t think time of day should be noted in the salutation. The recipient may not be reading it in the afternoon.

    Friday May 9, 2014
  13. Diedra Magrath Says:

    How accomplish I construct firefox illustrate on the top of my establish list?

    Sunday November 30, 2014

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